Dude, Seriously?

After a limited amount of thought and zero soul searching, I've decided to expand my scope to include all of the stupid shit that happens in my life. Sometimes funny.  Always annoying.  

This goes out to those people that don't take life too seriously. You're the ones I can go have a beer with and don't give two shits about what I'm wearing.  

That's actually a bad example because I have a slight lean towards metrosexaulity if that's even a word?

Anyways I think you get my point. Unless you're really stupid, well then lucky me for hanging  out with stupid people.  Ugh. 

Where was I?  Oh yeah.  Easy going people.  Check.  Like to have a good time.  Check.  Don't take themselves too seriously.  Check.  Ok got it. 

I don't have a ton of hang-ups, other then the socially acceptable ones. 

Not many things left that are socially acceptable to hate: smokers, Justin Bieber, men in cutoff jeans,  mullets (unless you play hockey in Minnesota,  then game on!), asshole drivers (plenty more on that to come), any New York sports team, people posing in the mirror at the gym.

Ok I take it back, yeah I have my hang-ups, but the beauty of my opinion is I never feel like I'm wrong.  Like I said to my daughter today 'If the stereotype fits, don't blame me'.

And for those that do take life too seriously,  please keep reading.  I might have a thing or two to say about you  <Insert manical laughter>.

More to follow.....

Why do we have Christmas songs?

Alright....so as you know I like music.  Fairly obvious.  But why the hell does everyone and their brother need to sing Santa Claus is Coming to Town or any other Christmas song ever written?

F*****g hate it.  Yeah he's coming to town.  Got it.  Blah blah blah.  Just doesn't do it for me.  Doesn't move the needle, but it does make me want to purge the last three weeks of candy, cake, beer and booze from my bulging belly.  My God.  Just shut the f**k up. Change the channel. 

Maybe that could be my holiday diet plan. After every meal, slap in Charlie Brown and presto!

And of course all of my family loves it.  Figures.  Ugh. 

Since we last spoke

And I am back baby! And with best Rick Flair wooooo! Let's get this started again.

I'm here to keep it real and kick it old school. 

Where to start?  Let's see...

We got a new puppy and his name's Gillie.  I'm probably impartial but he's awesome!  Whenever I throw on some old school Cure, INXS or New Order he starts shaking his rump.  But he also does that too when I Jay-Z or Dre so maybe he just likes to shake his rump?

Or is that a twerk? Can dogs twerk?

Anyways.....
The Bruins won their 1st Stanley Cup in 40 years.  'Black Betty wham-bah-lam!' 

The Pats have won what seems like every Super Bowl since 2009.  Cue the Crazy Train and the duck boats!'

I'm a little older.  Well maybe a bunch.  Not much wiser.  And a lot more bitter. Still hate people,  because they suck. 

There's probably a country song in there somewhere.  'I hate my boss because he sucks.  I hate people because they suck. My car broke it's a piece of crap.  Blah. Blah. Blah.' One of the more misunderstood genres for me.  Right up there with the Boss.   Get it. People appreciate it.  Just don't quite get it. That's more than enough talk about country.  I fucking hate country!

So that brings me back to Springsteen.  I just dont get it.  And I know it's just me because whenever it's brought up I'm like Tom Hanks on an island with a big ass beard and talking to a volleyball.  Or maybe I'm missing a chromosome or something. He just doesn't move the needle for me. Who knows maybe it will click some day?  I'm not a complete pessimistic SOB, am I?  

Dick sure can pick 'em

As I often do when I start a new adventure I take a bite. Typically it's a really big bite, the kind you see when you go to the all you can eat buffet in Vegas type bite.  Get a huge mound of food and start shoveling it in.  Grab some more king crab and some more egg rolls.  Ok where the hell am I going with this?

This brings me back to Dick.  And his picks.  Dick is smart.  Dick is witty.  Dick is good.  And he sure can pick some Dead gems.

The Dick I speak of is Dick Latvala. And he began releasing Dead archives in '93. And he released 36 volumes.

And of course, like the sadistic idiot that I am, I'm plowing through them all.  In succession.  And my headspace is blown.  Wide open. 

The Dead for me typically comes with the season's passing from winter to spring.  Dust off those shorts, tshirts and sandals, roll down the windows and turn it up.  I'm through 10 picks and another 26 to go. 

You want me to do what?

So my doc tells me I should start the SCD diet. Give up sugar he says.  Give up starch he says.  Give up fried foods he says.  Will make me feel better he says.  Eat more fruit and vegetables he says.

Let me step back for a moment and introduce myself.  I am Jeff. Lover of beer. Lover of all things ice cream, and yes that includes frappes, shakes and possibly even a good parfait if there were chocolate chips or hot fudge on top. Oh, and sweets.  You know Snickers, Kit Kat and everything else you get at Halloween.

But, my crown jewel, is all things caffeine. Coffee, espresso, cappuccino, Red Bull, Monster.  All delicious. Yum. All right.  Back to it......

Are you f****n kidding me!!  Oh man I can't do that!  Give up McDonald's, donuts, cakes, pasta, muffins, rice! Seriously? Yeah OK doc. You're a quack!

Wait. 

What did you say?

I can eat how much bacon? 

Well......maybe I'll give it a shot.

And then I went to the grocery store.  Turns out I can't eat a damn thing in this place!  I'm completely surrounded by all sorts of delicious treats that I would not be able to eat.  Ahhhhh!  Again- are you f****n kidding me!

So I make a special trip to a hoity toity, all natural food, Birkenstock wearing type of market.  The kind of place you're more likely to smell weed in the parking lot and see an impromptu hacky sack circle form.  I mean some serious hippy s**t!

So I'm cruising the aisles thinking this won't be too bad.  Kale chips? Done.   Instead of Lays, Doritos, Funyuns?  Please.  Kale chips baby! 

Edamame pasta instead of the delicious kind that my wife and her mom make?Pffft. Easy!

Some frozen paleo bread that I can just pop out of the freezer any time I want and make myself a delicious bacon, ham and pork sandwich?  Done and done!  My god how easy is this gonna be?

And then the day of reckoning comes.  I take the paleo bread out of the freezer to go with the eggs I just scrambled up.  Eggs instead of donuts?  I mean it's not like I love donuts (insert eye roll and picture of Homer Simpson). 

OK so back to the bread.  Eggs cooked, almond butter ready to roll, toast needed a few seconds in the microwave to thaw, pop those suckers in the toaster, slap some almond butter on them, and take a bite.

*munching sounds and a little prayer that this bread won't suck*

The verdict?

Disgusting.

I'm talking I wouldn't feed this s**t to my dogs and I know dogs who eat real life s**t!  It was horrible!  How do people eat this crap!  Oh my God!  It smelled horrible too!  Maybe it was because I toasted it and released the demons in the process?Swing and a miss. 

Oh well.  I tried, right?  Stepped way out of my comfort zone and tried something new.  Awful.  I'm ready to step back into my comfort zone!

So, while trying to remain the positive guy I am (insert eyeroll again) I decided 'hey, what if I take out two slices,let them thaw and try again tomorrow.'  And aside from almost stabbing myself in the abdomen while trying to separate the slices, I would definitely consider this move a success. 

I mean this is some serious 'Win one for the Gipper' type stuff where you're done by six with seconds remaining and pull victory from the clutches of defeat scenario.

And then the next day comes.  Dogsh*t!  Worse than the day before. I mean there was definitely some trepidation based on yesterday's failure, but this was terrible! 

And my lovely wife, who pretty much eats anything, for once in her lifeagreed with me!  

That was the final straw.  Wait. My daughter tried it and didn't think it was that bad?  We'll have to examine that opinion later.  She might be out of her mind!

So based on my random stream of consciousness, I am prone to skip around a bit.   

With that said, let's continue.

If you're going to jump into the SCD diet you need a plan. Not a fly by the seat of my pants type of plan. A plan.

How will I deal with lunch and dinner, or the random last minute concert invite? 

And they say pimpin' ain't easy?!?  Hey- try living without Taco Bell and get back to me!

But then I get to thinking.......doc said I should lose about 20 pounds if I'm doing the diet the right way.  Hmmmmmm.  Let's see. I'm almost 45 and my metabolism is terrible. I could probably stand to drop a few pounds to get ready for bikini season.  And to add insult to injury, my wife has no qualms about telling me I need to lose a few pounds.

Me:  Hey honey what do you think about this new shirt I bought?

Her:  Would look better if you lost a few pounds.

And just like that, my self esteem blown up like one of those clay shooting ducks.

Ahhhhh.  Is this a sweet life or what!

To all those 20 somethings out there a 3% body weight.  I have some unpleasant news for you.   HA!  Enjoy it because it won't last! 

Trust me I know. I used to be one of you. We'll maybe not 3% but I digress. 

I used to be the guy who could practically muster up a crohn's  flare on demand and drop a quick 10 pounds.  Got a big date coming up?  Snap of the fingers and boom!  6 BM's a day and I'm off to the races.  The problem was that the shut off valve wasn't always as accommodating.

Captain's starlog dated 29 March 2019:

Ok....so another random entry with many random thoughts!!

So I started to think about my last 24 hours and here's a play-by-play.  Man I fell off the truck.  Stay tuned...

Easy Listening

Just settled in for Phish at the Worcester Centrum aka the BCNtrum 11/30/97. 

Been a while since I've listened to this gem.   But then again every show from this tour was epic in its own way.  Really can't find a clunker. I've seen this tour called 'Phish destroys America '.  Yup they do.

Known for the 58 minute Runaway Jim to start the second set.   Seatbelt is fastened and my tray is in its upright position!

Supergroups

Well it’s been a busy year for supergroups, and I’ve definitely had a pretty big taste of Supergroup Stew this year. Many people I talk to don’t particularly like what feels like a new phenomenon. For the most part I disagree. And I have some evidence to back up my findings.

Oysterhead
Consisted (past tense, unless you hold out hope they’ll get back together) of Trey Anastasio (Phish), Les Claypool (Primus and 100 other bands) and Stewart Copeland (the Police).

As far as I’m concerned, this is the ultimate jamband supergroup. For my money, Les is one of the best bassists around. I’ll take him any day to back my rhythm section, but then on top of that you add Stewart Copeland?!?! Stewart Effing Copeland?? My god! Legend. And then the cherry on top is Trey? Wow.
In my mind they didn’t disappoint. The live show was fun and entertaining. From what I recall I couldn’t stop watching Copeland. Just a real good time. The album stays in the rotation and gets an occasional listen. Some huge Les/Primus influence. Not that that’s a bad thing!

Overall Grade: B/+


Chickenfoot
This might be the most blatant, hey I lost all my cash when the market went to shit, cash grab of them all. Chad Smith (Chili Peppers), Sammy Hagar and Michael Anthony (Parts Unknown) and Joe Satriani (one of the best guitar shredders of all time!) teamed up for an album release and a small venue tour, followed by an amphitheatre run.

I was able to see them on the first leg of their US run at the Middle East downstairs in Boston. I think they had about 5 live shows under their belt at that time. If you haven’t been to the Middle East, the place is about as big as my basement. Only it was packed with Marshalls stacks. I was actually scared for my hearing when I walked downstairs. But having an opportunity to see Satriani up THAT close? Once in a lifetime. Well worth the $30 I ponied up.

The album was alright. Paint by the numbers rock. Nothing mind shattering or that original.

Final Verdict: Sammy and Michael? Cash grab. No doubt. Chad Smith? Most likely partying and passing the time until the Chili Peppers get back into the studio. Joe Satriani? Not really sure….

Overall Grade: B- (the venue saved them)

Dead Weather
Jack White is one of my favorite current musicians. No doubt about it. In my mind he’s one of, if not the best, song writer and musician going.

With Dead Weather he changes it up. He’s behind the drum kit instead of on lead guitar. First time since he was like a teenager. But not to worry. The band has plenty to offer.

Allison Mosshart from the Kills provides an amazing front woman presence. Definite punk background there. Rounding out the group are Dean Fertita (Queens of the Stone Age) on guitar and Jack Lawrence (the Raconteurs).

Album verdict? Yummy. Really enjoyed it. No surprise it’s a mashup of the Stripes, Raconteurs and, from what little I’ve heard the Kills. It was essentially confirmed in a Rolling Stone interview with Jack White recently that there is a new album in the works. Look for a spring 2010 release.

Live? Phenomenal energy. Allison Mosshart did not disappoint. Jack Lawrence was steady as he goes. I did feel as though Dean Fertita was playing like Jack White was looking over his shoulder. He probably was. About halfway in he seemed to loosen up. Jack White was a pretty steady rudder for the band. Not bad for a lead guitarist willing to take a risk.

At just over an hour it was a tad bit short for me. Definitely felt as though they needed another album under their belt to carry a live show.

Overall Grade: B (points off for a short live show)

Them Crooked Vultures
This has been Dave Grohl’s wet dream for years- to play with Zeppelin! Oh wait…..this is only part Zeppelin.

I bring you John Paul Jones (if you need an introduction please stop here, go to your favorite record store and get every Led Zeppelin CD available, and call me when you’re done) Dave Grohl (some bands called Nirvana; Foo Fighters) and Josh Homme (Queens of the Stone Age aka QOTSA) who for the time being are together under the name Them Crooked Vultures.

I saw them recently at the House of Blues in Boston. All I knew about them at the time was what I could find on YouTube. From what little I could see there I could tell that there was a nice energy, and a tremendous sound. Some definite potential.

Well that was confirmed and then some. I left the HOB after about 90 minutes completely impressed and ready for more. Not bad for a band I had never seen live or even really heard before. They were that good.

Their debut (not sure if there will be more?) came out November 17th. I have a buy recommendation out for all of my clients. It's a fun rock album with some interesting sounds and arrangements.

Overall Grade: B/+